Are we in a gay sports bar?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found puke in my bra..
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
