I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
