Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
