I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
