Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
