Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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