You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
