He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
