If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
