You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
pop tarts are not kleenex
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
