Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
