Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
