I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My cat gives me a boner
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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