Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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