He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
