yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
