he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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