Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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