actually, I'm a sock model
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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