i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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