Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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