my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
