i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
