she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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