dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
