i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
