There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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