this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
