Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
