What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
