and you said cock pushups were impossible
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
