its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He has the fingertips of a God
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
