Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
