i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
