She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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