Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
