kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
