I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
