my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
