if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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