I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
do nipples grow back?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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