I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
