You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
