Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
