She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
