I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
