so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
