too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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