My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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