ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
