You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
