I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
