no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
