I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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