He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
