His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
